Hermit out to the World

Updated: Dec 6, 2019

For a long time I have been hiding, hiding in the shadows of my childhood trauma, hiding in the lies of so called friends and family, in the debts of my once barren womb, in the self doubt and terrifying chains of procrastination. For a long time I have been hiding, in the shadow of my higher self. Afraid to raise hell, afraid to show my light. I was caught in a web of lies, that I’ve been told since birth and lies I have told myself and others. I became determined to untangle and sort out my existence, it was time to tell my truth. Time for a release, a plan, and some dreams to be made into reality.

I strived so hard to become enlightened and righteous in Gods eyes. Striving to be perfect so that my previous sins I acquired in this life and “from conception“ would be washed clean. I cried my self to sleep most nights, wondering how I could save my self from this misery. All my life I was taught to call on Jesus, he’s my friend, he will wipe my tears. Call on Jesus, he will protect you. But every time I called, I was left hanging, beaten, touched, and rejected. I shut off my light and walked around invisible to all that was trying to hurt me, mind you, that didn’t work. I was taught not to speak to my self cus that’s crazy. I wasnt taught to fight, I was taught to avoid. I wasn’t taught how to speak correctly, I was taught what not to say. I wasn’t taught to give love and compassion, I was to taught to only care about my self and that everyone was probably trying to use me. Although, I knew all the ways to care for my hygiene, my figure, my livelihood, I wasn’t taught how to be, how to know, how to trust, myself. I was never told that the protection I was seeking, the guidance, the comfort, was all something I could give myself. No one told me to look into my self to find the answers. I found out from trial and tribulations, that no one was coming to save me, make me over miraculously, I had to actually put in effort. I decided 2009 to give my brother Jesus and Sky Daddie a break from my non sense and shenanigan. I was going to try to find out who was the girl behind the bullshit. What was her purpose...

Love was the first Test and Lesson that life gifted me. As I was reading The Bible “Love others as you love yourselves“ popped out at me. I would ask people all the time, what was their definition of love and most had no clue honestly. In my heart it was deep, it was home, it was unconditional. Once I put love in the center of my heart most of my insecurities went clean out the window. Love and Fear can’t operate on the same frequency. I learned to love those around me unconditionally, but skipped over a very important clue. The scripture said Love as you Love your self. Yourself, you had to love yourself first in order to truly love others or anything for that matter. You were the example. Mind blown, I dug a bit deeper into my knowing and realized my unconditional love for others was unconditional acceptance. I had more work to do ...

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